关于婚姻最令人不安的真相是什么？

文章摘自我15年所译的Quora^[1]上的一篇文章，原作者是 Manisha Sabnani。

What's the most disturbing truth about marriage?

People often confuse marriage and dependency. Couples many times enter into marriage thinking that the other person will fix all of their problems, make them happy, support them fully, enjoy all of their activities, and provide unconditional love. This is a fallacy, and if you enter into marriage believing this, you are doomed.

人们常常把婚姻和依赖混为一谈。夫妻在进入婚姻时，很多时候都认为对方会解决他们所有的问题，让他们快乐，全力支持他们，享受他们所有的活动，并提供无条件的爱。这是一种谬误，如果你抱着这样的信念进入婚姻，你就注定要失败。

The problem with getting married is that you exchange independence for love, thinking that love is static. When life gets rough and love is tested, as it eventually always will, you become angry and resentful that you gave up everything that was important to you for this person who no longer makes you a priority.

结婚的问题在于，你用独立换取了爱情，以为爱情是一成不变的。当生活变得艰难，爱情受到考验的时候 —— 这种情况迟早会发生 —— 你会生气和怨恨，因为你为了这个人放弃了对你来说很重要的一切，而他却不再以你为优先。

Marriage should actually be viewed as two separate individuals going on a journey together. These individuals may have different interests, needs, and emotional ups and downs at different times. Healthy married couples allow their spouses the space and room to go through the various cycles of life. They cannot necessarily fix things for each other, and they will argue in the process. The only value a spouse can really provide is saying, "No matter what, I will always be here." When nothing else is the world is certain and you are at a point in your life where you doubt yourself, you should be able to rely on your partner waiting at the end of that long dark road for you.

婚姻其实应该被看成是两个独立的个体的一次结伴旅行。这些个体在不同时期可能有不同的兴趣、需求和情绪起伏。健康的夫妻允许配偶有空间和余地去经历人生的各种周期。他们不一定能为对方解决问题，在这个过程中也会伴有争吵。配偶唯一能真正提供的价值就是说："无论怎样，我都会一直在这里。" 当世界上没有其他东西是确定的，而你又处于生命旅途中自我怀疑的阶段时，你的伴侣能让你可以依靠，在长长的黑暗的路的尽头等你,(这婚姻便是成功的)。

Do not expect marriage to fix your problems and bring you everlasting happiness. This is not a fairy tale. Fix your own problems, create your own experiences, and continue to grow as individuals. Enjoy your partner for the happy moments that you have together during this process. That is the only way to have a long, fulfilling marriage.

不要指望婚姻能解决你所有的问题，并带来永恒的幸福。婚姻不是童话故事。你需要解决你自己的问题，创造你自己的经验，继续作为个体成长。享受你们在这个过程中共同拥有的幸福时刻。这是拥有长久、美满婚姻的唯一途径。